The RV bumped along the dusty road, headed into town. Lucy and Luther had planned this trip before they discovered Pickles, but his presence complicated things a bit. As Luther drove, the kitten jumped on and off his lap, digging his claws into Luther’s pants, the seat, or both on each ascent.
“Ow! Hey buddy, cut it out!” Luther cried, plucking Pickles from his leg, ignoring his squeals of protest. Luther set him down on the seat opposite. “Just stay put.” Pickles took a step toward him, and Luther held out his hand, palm facing out. “No!”
“You’re so mean!” Lucy said.
“I’m not mean! Do you want me to run off the road? Or squash him under a pedal?” Luther argued.
“No…but, I don’t know, can’t you be nicer?” Lucy asked.
“Lucy,” Luther said with a sigh, “it’s a cat. He’s fine. He’ll recover.”
“Pickles! Piiiiicckklllles!” Lucy cooed. The kitten cocked his head, seeming to hear her. “Luther, I think he knows I’m here. I swear he looked at me earlier.”
“What would he have looked at? I’m not trying to be an asshole, I just thought that you were like, everywhere, or something…” Luther said, trailing off.
“Yeah, I know. It’s weird. I’ve been feeling different lately, more, I don’t know… distinct? I guess? I’m not sure how to describe it but like now, I feel like I’m in a specific space and I feel like Pickles sees me.” Lucy explained.
“That’s awesome!!” Luther said, and turned to look in the back, seeing nothing. His smile faltered. He didn’t know what he expected exactly, but he was a little sad.
“Isn’t it?” Lucy said, no evidence in her voice that she had seen Luther’s quick gesture. Luther was relieved.
Lucy continued calling to the kitten and he eventually jumped down clumsily from the passenger seat and wandered into the rear of the vehicle. With the kitten occupied, Luther was able to focus on the road and allow his mind to wander as the miles passed. He thought for the first time in a long time about change, about the future, about possibility. Sure, this was a weird situation, but having Lucy in his life had broken something open in him, and now, here they were like a family but better. His smile returned and was still in place as he pulled into a space in front of the small row of shops.
“We have arrived!” Luther called out.
“Hooray!” Lucy replied. “You hear that, Pickles? We are gonna get you so much good stuff!” Pickles meowed in response.
“So, how do you want to do this?” Luther asked. “You coming with? Or staying here with the kitty?”
“I think he’ll be ok on his own, we won’t be long, and I could really use a change of scenery.” Lucy said.
“Let’s get a move on then.” Luther said, exiting the vehicle through the driver’s side door.
“See you in a few minutes, be good!” Lucy said to Pickles and followed Luther out.
“You know we can’t chat too much in here, people will think I’m a crazy person.” Luther warned Lucy.
“I get it. I’ll just tell you what to get and you can do it with no argument, it will be perfect.” Lucy said and laughed.
Luther shook his head, smiled, and headed into the pet store, not sure if he needed to hold the door or not. He pretended to notice something on the ground, propping the door open in the process, just in case.
“You’re sweet.” Lucy said, understanding the gesture.
Luther shrugged and let the door close behind him.
The selection was limited but adequate. They got the basics, including a litter box which Luther hadn’t previously contemplated. He had no idea where they would put it. He started thinking about training the cat to go outside, like a dog, and picked up a small lead and a harness meant for a ferret that he thought might work. Lucy chattered on and squealed at toys and treats. Luther grabbed what he could but made the occasional comment about how expensive certain items were, to remind her they were on a budget. To her credit, Lucy understood.
“You’re right, I’m so sorry. I’m just so excited! I think we’ve got everything, right? We should check on Pickles and drop this stuff off before we go to the grocery.” Lucy said.
Luther nodded in agreement, and they headed to the check out.
“New kitty?” The elderly lady at the register inquired.
“Yes, ma’am, just got him today” Luther replied, chest puffed out a little.
“Lucky you!” she replied, smiling widely with very large, very white dentures. “I suppose you could call me a crazy cat lady; I’ve got four at home. They keep me on my toes.”
“That sounds great” Luther replied, not sure what else to say. She continued to chatter on as they completed the transaction and Luther thanked her repeatedly, smiling and nodding as he gathered the bags and backed slowly away, opening the door with his butt. The door cutoff her words. Luther felt a little rude, but he had stuff to do.
“Man, that lady could talk!” Lucy said.
“Right?!” Luther replied.
“Excuse me?” said a woman walking by.
“Oh, I’m sorry, just talking to myself.” Luther smiled and waved, continuing to the RV, feeling her eyes on his back.
Lucy was laughing.
Luther fumbled in his pocket for his keys then lifted his arm, laden with white plastic bags to the lock. The bags shifted and caused him to miss the keyhole several times.
“You could just set those down for a second, you know.” Lucy counseled.
“I got this.” Luther mumbled, under his breath this time. He turned the key and yanked the door open.
Pickles, unaccustomed to captivity, took advantage of the opening and shot out of the RV directly into the street.
“Pickles!” Luther and Lucy yelled in unison.
The driver had no time to stop even if they had seen the tiny kitten. It happened so fast.
There was only a thump, a noise so slight that Luther almost had hope that Pickles would be ok. He dropped his arms to his sides, releasing the bags as he did. He stepped tentatively into the street, holding his arm out to signal oncoming traffic to stop. Not really caring whether they did or not, Luther continued toward the kitten, almost indistinct on the blacktop. He knelt down saying “Pickles? Little buddy? You ok?”
He was having trouble focusing through the tears welling in his eyes, so he squeezed them shut hard and wiped at his face with the back of his arm. Luther stroked Pickles, so gently. His little head lifted slightly in the direction of the stroke then fell back to the ground. Luther began weeping in earnest, scooping the little body off the ground, leaving only a small wet spot behind. Luther brought the kitten to his chest, as he had done only a short time before, and sobbed, feeling only brokenness where there had once been life.
People had started to gather and stare, and Luther realized he was still kneeling in the street. He sniffed and got to his feet, walking slowly back toward the RV.
Luther heard voices all around him, but they blended into static. He didn’t hear Lucy at all. As he approached the RV, he saw the bags on the ground, brightly colored toys spilled out and his sobs intensified.
“Oh, dear, oh my poor dear” said the old lady from the store. She fluttered about, patting Luther, cooing, attempting to console him, though her own eyes were shiny with tears. He looked at her with gratitude, then looked down at the bags, almost apologetic.
“Don’t you worry about that” she said and set about putting the errant contents back in their bags. “Thomas!” she called out, gesturing toward the store.
“Yes ma’am?” a young man, presumably Thomas, inquired as he ran to her side.
“Thomas, dear, please gather these things and do a refund for me, would you?” she said, and patted him on the arm. Turning her attention back to Luther, she asked “How can I help, dear? Shall I get a towel, a box perhaps?”
Luther sniffed, nodded, and wondered where Lucy was.
“Oh my god, Luther!” said Darlene, pushing her way through the thinning crowd on the sidewalk. “What happened?”
Oh no. Thought Luther, not her. Not now.
Darlene practically shoved the old lady away. “Luther, baby, what happened? Did you have an accident or something? Are you crying?” She shifted her focus from Luther’s face to the dead kitten he was clutching to his chest. She grimaced and backed away. “What is that?”
“It’s… my… cat.” Luther said, each word choking out of him.
“Since when do you have a cat?” Darlene asked, lips pulled back from her teeth, disgust evident in her expression.
“Fuck off, Darlene” Luther spat.
Darlene gasped. “Fuck you and fuck your stupid cat!” she said before turning to leave the way she came, wobbling away on platform flip flops.
The old lady returned with a small box, a blanket, and a refund. She smiled warmly at Luther and he smiled back at her, mouthing the words thank you, feeling unable to speak them aloud. She patted his arm and nodded, turning back toward the store.
Luther clambered through the open RV door holding the box and the kitten. He set the box down and used his free hand to close the door. He took a deep breath and set about arranging the blanket in the box. Once he was satisfied that it looked like a comfortable resting place, he gently lowered Pickles into it, arranging him in a peaceful pose and covering him with the free edge of the blanket.
“I’m so sorry, little buddy. This is all my fault.” Luther said, hanging his head.
“No, it’s not.” Lucy said.
Luther straightened. “Lucy! Where have you been? Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, I’m sorry, I just knew I couldn’t really talk to you with all those people around.” Lucy explained.
“Yeah” Luther nodded. “That makes sense, but holy shit, Luce. Pickles. He’s dead!” Luther began crying again.
“Hey, hey, it’s ok!” Lucy consoled him.
“It’s not. This is all my fault. I should have put the bags down but no, I’m an idiot and I killed our cat.” Luther insisted.
“He’s here, Luther,” said Lucy.
“Yeah, I know.” Luther said, gesturing to the box.
“No, I mean with me.” Lucy clarified.
“What?” Luther asked, sniffling.
“Yeah! I was calling out and then he got hit and I was calling him, and he came to me, and I can touch him and hold him and he’s ok.” Lucy said happily. “I don’t know how or why but he’s here and we are all still together.”
“Oh.” Luther said, unsure how to feel. He was happy for Lucy, but for him, Pickles was still gone, and he was still grieving.