Turns out that yesterday’s surprise was not Emmitt’s doing at all, which might be why it worked, to a degree at least. He was never going to take me to the bike shop, it was all just a ruse to make sure I had the day free for my friend Brandi. This was a lovely surprise, but now I’m wondering if I’m getting a bike at all. Time will tell.
Brandi showed up at my house at noon with a couple of balloons and a card then took me to a place I told her about to get a facial. I certainly enjoyed the pampering and relaxation after the past few weeks. That said, the aesthetician had a thing for oils and I left the place looking like I have been deep fried and failed to wash my hair for a decade. I wiped myself down as best I could and we headed to the hibachi place for some lunch, which was delicious, but the passive aggressive chef sprayed me more than once “accidentally’ with something because we were not participating in the show. There was a whole family, including small children, enthusiastically welcoming his offers to throw food at them so I’m not sure why he cared that two of us would rather chat. Whatever. I was greasy already, so what’s a little damp stickiness?
Afterward, we went to the frozen custard place. I was full so I got a quart to go and ended up eating what was left of Brandi’s waffle bowl later. It was mostly unmolested waffle and Reese’s cups, so I wasn’t going to throw it away.
Once home, I took a shower and again elected not to make dinner. Dad had some Chef Boyardee and I reheated Popeye’s in the air fryer. All in all it was a good day. Dad didn’t get on my nerves too terribly or make fun of me when I was crying my eyes out over a TV character that got killed.
I woke this morning with memories of a dream that I will now share, because it’s my blog and I can write whatever I want to.
I had gone to a hotel, at first by myself it would seem, but later there were a total of 3 couples. I checked in, got my key and went to my room, which was already occupied by two old men who did not appear to notice that I entered their room. I closed the door and checked the room number. The doors were all close together in such a way that you might accidentally enter the wrong room. I tried my key on some of the other doors and it worked on all of them, but they were all occupied.
I went back to the front desk to get a new room, preferably one that didn’t have people in it. The new room was smaller, and didn’t have the sunken jacuzzi tub that it was supposed to. Oh, and it was also occupied.
I went down again and got yet another room. This time, it was unoccupied, but there was still no jacuzzi tub and also not enough beds. Instead of 2 queens and a rollout, to accommodate the 3 couples, there were 4 hospital gurneys. I was furious, of course, but some of my travel companions were hopping on the gurneys and trying to demonstrate how they could still totally have sex, so it was ok.
Apparently, when I tried the very first room, I left my luggage in there, so I had to go retrieve it from the old men. They did not want to give it back to me and insisted on going through it before they did.
Before I went back down to the front desk to complain yet again, I more thoroughly investigated the room and discovered that you could round a corner and it would lead right into the common area where everyone had breakfast. So, not only was the bedding inadequate, but now I was missing any privacy and still had no jacuzzi tub.
When I arrived back at the front desk, the woman there was eating a yogurt and looked up at me but didn’t say anything. I asked if she could help me and she says “maybe I can”, taking another casual bite of her yogurt. This part is murky, but I think I jumped the counter to beat her ass but the rest of the staff restrained me and acted like I was being unreasonable.
They got on the phone to corporate because I guess they couldn’t accommodate my requests for an unoccupied room with beds and walls and they had it on speaker because they wanted to make sure they heard the whole conversation because I guess they thought I was going to lie about my experiences or something.
I’ll never know because I woke up while I was still on hold. I was mad about it for a while, which is probably why I remembered so much of it. I travel to San Antonio next week in real life so it was probably an anxiety dream, but it was weird so I shared. You’re welcome.
What else? Oh yes, I ordered some rollerblades because another friend of mine thought it would be fun to skate around. I remembered getting rollerblades in my youth when they were first popular and the memories were fine, though faded, after all these years. We both ordered from Amazon. She got hers quickly but I ordered actual Rollerblade brand skates so they took a little longer to arrive.
My friend tried hers on early, immediately fell and almost broke her ass. She texted to say she thought this was maybe not such a good idea but I insisted that we proceed. I was confident that I would be able to skate like a champ and encourage my depressed friend to get out of the house with the activity that was her idea to start with.
Then my skates came.
It took me longer than it should have just to get these things on my feet. I was a little winded when it was all said and done. Then I tried to stand and felt far more unsteady than I remembered, even on carpet. I decided to be brave and venture into the bathroom to try them out on tile. I managed to get both feet in, but then couldn’t quite go anywhere until my feet started to veer away from each other, gaining speed. I grabbed and clutched at my surroundings to save myself, but then started rolling backward. Shit.
I clawed my way back out to the bedroom to put on the protective gear that I innocently thought I would not need in the house. I put the wrist guards on backwards and on the wrong wrists at first, but got it sorted out. The elbow pads were straightforward but I realized I couldn’t get them on over the wrist guards, so I took those off, put the elbow ones on and then the wrist guards again.
I realized too late that the knee pads had a neoprene sleeve that was supposed to go over your leg, but I was wearing pants and still had the skates on, so I just used the straps. Once I was safe-ish, I stumbled over to the full length mirror to check out how completely stupid I looked.
Undeterred by the risk of injury or embarrassment, I continued to try to skate on my carpet, after watching a couple YouTube videos. I’m still a complete mess and if I ever make it out of my house I’ll probably just roll down my driveway, into the street and crash in to the neighbors bushes. Time will tell. I’m not giving up though. I’m just done for the day.
I figure that my trip this week is the last one for the year, so I’ll try again when I return. That way, if I break my leg or something, I’ll be home to recover.